Burton MacKenzie

Today I watched the old intro to The Six Million Dollar Man on youtube



I used to watch this show as a kid all the time, and loved it. As a kid, what wasn't to love? Colonel Steve Austin was an Astronaut, a Test Pilot, and the only civilian to have walked on the moon (although he reverts back to military in the series). Back then, it was still enormously cool to be somebody who walked on the moon in one of the six moon landings, so this show was playing that angle, too.

I was also a time when computers were new and cool, mostly synonomous with "magic device that most people don't know much about other than smart science people use them". Transistors (and electronics in general) were so neato-keen that pocket radios would have the words "7 Transistors" molded right into its case, and Colonel Steve Austin was full of them! How could that be anything but good? I'd like a nice BJ Transistor myself!

In his accident, he lost both his legs, one arm, and an eye. Through the magic of modern technology, not only were they able to make him new cyborg body parts, but they were able to make him better. stronger. faster. (cue music) An american hero, plucked from the brink of death, and given secret powers to be used only for good (as directed by the government).

If you look closely at the specs during the intro, we learn lots of things about the parts. I am surprised at the level of detail.

Bionic Visual Cortex Terminal
Catalog #075/KFB
43MM O.D. F/0.95
Zoom Ratio: 20.2 to 1
2135 Line 60 Hz
Extended Chromatic Response
Classic JC
CLASSIFIED

His bionic eye can do a 20.2x zoom (which is way better than my modern digital camera), can see either the infra red or ultra violet (or both), has a focal distance of 0.95 (units?). I don't know what 43 O.D. means - ocular diameter? It looks like his "vision" is seen by him as a 2135 line display running at 60Hz refresh. That's some pretty impressive vertical resolution, but I'm surprised they didn't spend more episodes on him complaining about interference from the mains, which you'll likely get on your CRT if you set the refresh to 60Hz. I hope the catalog number is some internal designation rather than the stock number - somehow a Six Million Dollar Man built with consumer parts from digiKey doesn't seem as cool. No, on second thought, building a cyborg with parts from digiKey does sound cool.

Bionic Neuro-link Forearm/
Upper Arm Assembly (right)
Catalog # [can't make it out]
[???]
Bionic Neuro-link Servo (right)
Catalog # [can't make it out]
Neuro Feedback Terminated
Power Supply
Atomic Type AED-4
Catalog # [can't make it out]
1550 Watt Continuous Duty
Nominal Double Gain
Overload Follower
Class MZ
CLASSIFIED

This one is all about his arm. Note how they actually take the time to specify that there are three components here: the neuro link, the servo (the part that changes electricity into mechanical motion), and the power supply to run it all, a 1.55 kWatt Atomic Energy Device (abbreviated "AED"). I think here the stats fall short of the script requirements. Given Steve Austin using his arm to dead lift 1000kg one metre high (assume at sea level) would require ~9800 Joules of energy. Unfortunately, his arm's atomic power supply can only put out 1.55kJ/s of continuous duty power. That means it will take him ~6.3 seconds to lift that 1000 kilograms one metre. Ironically enough, that probably matches the amount of audience time he would spend lifting it, but since they slow down the action (and add the bionic sound), he should be lifting it faster than that. I have no idea what they mean by nominal double gain or overload follower. Those sound like words from an electronics book picked out of a hat.

Bionic Neuro-link
Bipedal Assembly
Catalog #915 PAM
Neuro Feedback Termiated
Power Supply
Atomic Type AED-9A
4920 Watt Continuous Duty
Nominal Double Gain
Overload Follower
2100 Watt Reserve
Intermittant Duty
Class CC

His legs are given a lot more power - not only do that have 4.92 kilowatts of continuous power available, they have a reserve of 2.1 kiloatts. I don't think they're using the right units (I think it should be something like kilowatt-seconds), but they were probably thinking ahead for the jumps. Steve needs the large continuous output power to run fast (at least 60mph, according to the intro), but really needs that extra power reserve for jumping onto buildings and over tall fences, or maybe just for some bionic sprinting. He must have some huge freakin' storage batteries in his legs, or that model of AED can tolerate current bursts. Hey baby, is that four D-cells I see in your trousers?

Unfortunately, as if he didn't have health insurance, his treatment cost six million dollars! They say he's the first, but later he meets the guy who was really first and cost Seven Million Dollars! They just kept making more and more of them, until even Sandra Bullock was bionic, too!



Sandra Bullock can go bionic on me any time she damn well pleases. I'll risk the friction burns.

I suppose my favourite character from the series had to be Bigfoot/Sasquatch, as played by André the Giant. (he shows up 3:00 into this clip) The Sasquatch, in this series, was a "100% Bionic" robot made by aliens visiting Earth and running in a different time speed.



How can you not love the Bionic Sasquatch?

Burton MacKenZie www.burtonmackenzie.com

Update: I serendipitously just discovered that NBC is rehashing the Bionic Woman with a new dark and edgy story:

It could be good. Here's to hoping.

Burton MacKenZie www.burtonmackenzie.com